


Forgotten

by misakikinomoto



Series: Angel Shrink [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bawling my eyes out, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misakikinomoto/pseuds/misakikinomoto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't want to be forgotten." A psychoanalysis of Castiel by the angel himself. Possibly set around the time of him being overtaken by the Leviathans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cross post from my FF profile, and this is coming much later than my LJ post of this (which is where i'm most active, i'm afraid). This was a fic for DezzieWinter (whose the best friend ever!) whose birthday happened this month and I really do need to get started on her birthday addition to this series. -_- Well, after i post the next part.

I've always been the youngest of an abysmally large family. The little fledgling. I never met my father, and I was always taught to be emotionless. I was a good soldier. A good angel.

And then I fell.

I never expected it to happen. But my time on earth with Dean and Sam changed me in ways I couldn't have foreseen…they TAUGHT me. They taught me to live, to enjoy life, and because of them, the love that we angels instinctively have for all creatures grew.

Dean and Sam always looked at me like I was…something more than a fledgling. They made me feel like I was the powerful angel I was, not a little, inexperienced fledgling. They looked at me like I was important, and nobody had ever looked at me like that.

When we were told to kill Suriel, my heart broke. It hurt. I had genuinely liked her. She had helped me so much in heaven. But what hurt more was that I would hurt Sam and Dean when I killed her. I felt something inside me shrivel up and die.

I suppose that's when it all began. My fall. Me loving the Winchesters more than anything, except my father. I had spent centuried looked at like I was the stupid one, the toddler incapable of doing anything, and though Dean sometimes did look at me like that, I could see the fondness he hid behind his words.

That's why when we were looking for Eve, and Dean called me a baby in a trenchcoat, he actually hurt my feelings. I had spent centuries looked at like that, and I had hoped they looked at me differently. Were my powers really all that Dean valued? Was that the only reason he liked me?

They never realized. How would they? They didn't have a family like mine. They were always there for each other. But who was there for me? The one time I needed Dean to do something for me, he refused. No one is ever there for me. I'm alone, and I know it. I'll always be alone. When I go, I know they will forget me. I don't want to be forgotten.

When I was with Crowely, there was this pain…he reminded me of what my family was. Crowley treated me the way my family did. It hurt…hurt so much. But I'd never let him know that. Ever. I stood strong, because that was what I wanted them to see. My family. The Winchesters and Bobby and the angels. I loved them all. Why wouldn't they love me back?

But Dean did consider me a friend. And I only realized how close we were when I watched him break apart when he found out about me and Crowley. Anger. Anguish. Pain. Betrayal. I could see them and feel them like the emotions were mine. I never wanted to hurt you Dean. Never. You were and are my brother. I raised you from Hell, you taught me to be the man I am today. Hurting you was never my plan. I just wanted to help. To protect you. To keep you and Sam and Bobby from getting hurt. I wanted you all to have a chance at a normal life.

And then when I came to my senses with the after I pushed the souls back into the purgatory, and after Leviathan's took control, and I lost control of my body, all I had were regrets.

I regret never telling Dean, Sam and Bobby how important they are to me.

I regret never making my brothers and sisters see that I am not a child.

I regret working with Crowley.

But what I regret the most is that I will not be remembered. I will be forgotten. Cast aside like a piece of paper…a dirty paper. No longer useful. I have no powers anymore. I don't even control my own body.

I am powerless.

Miserable.

Lost.

And all I have are memories. Memories tinged with joy and melancholy. Memories of men with green and blue-hazel and blue eyes who gave me a home when I fell. Men who will forget me, and would never realize that I loved them. Men who would never understand that all I wanted was for them to be happy.

I know. I was the youngest. I am the least spectacular. I am the uninteresting, the least powerful.

And I will be the one to be forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> So? How'd it go? I found it harder than Michael because i kept having to tale breaks to cry. I think it went decently. Please do tell me what you think!


End file.
